I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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