Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
