ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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