that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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