It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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