i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
