So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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