is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
