Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
