I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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