just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
