So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
