It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
