ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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