Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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