she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dear god my vagina.
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