I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize