just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize