I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
