It's Friday. Sex?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
