Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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