The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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