I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
