you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
