Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize