I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
