So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
