how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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