So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
