Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
