chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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