god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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