Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
