thus making me awesome and them whores
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
