She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
