What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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