i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have fence marks all over my body
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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