Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize