so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
