I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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