Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
