god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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