I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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