My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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