put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
