I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
