I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i barfeds in our rink
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
