Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
