When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
