If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
