I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
