We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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