Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
being pregnant is like rehab
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
