They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
