And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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