Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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