why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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