Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
