I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
