I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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