Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
