I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
