i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I showed him my bush... on skype.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
