she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
did i just pee glitter
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