Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
