We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize