So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We are two peas in an std pod
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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