Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize