Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
