I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
