New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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